Celebrate© September 2005

The Official Newsletter of the Celebrating Humanity© Transformational Teambuilding Programme

Celebrate© Newsletters & Celebrating Humanity© programmes are purely focused on creating a better world for all people

Dear Readers,
Please forgive our delay in releasing of the Celebrate September 2005.
Brian Moore - Editor

10 Steps to building better workplace, client, social and family relationships
"At the level of respect all people are equal." Mthimkhulu International 2001

1. Respect in greeting
2. Respect their names
3. Respect their culture and gender
4. Respect their religion
5. Respect relating to sharing food.
6. Respect through body language
7. Respect through eating together
8. Respect uniqueness. Each person is unique in many ways
9. Learn to give wholeheartedly
10. Learn to receive wholeheartedly

“No man is an island,” English proverb.
“Motho ke motho kabatho,” Sesotho proverb. (A person is a person by virtue of other people.)
“Jaise karne waise barne,” Hindi proverb. (As you sow so shall you reap.)

In our exciting country, continent and in this exciting world companies, families and countries are recognising the need to understand diversity and accept diversity. In fact building understanding of diversity is as important as having diverse people in your teams. And realising the value of uniqueness in our fellow human beings.

Mthimkhulu International has the following founding principle as the background to any decision, “At the level of respect all people are equal.” This is the understanding that we are all humans and when that belief is common to all people, there will be one human race. At that point all prejudicial “perception-isms” will be gone. With them racism, sexism and age-ism.

Any relationship is founded on respect. The challenges come in multi-diverse interactions, where one group’s respect is another group’s disrespect. This very basic outline, backed up by on-line articles, is a short 10 tips guide to building better relationships.

You can do it!

1) Learn to greet properly.

On a fairly recent trip to Zambia - one of our JEO’s had less than 3 days to assess the needs of the leadership of a major organisation, and present a proposal to the board. This he accomplished by working the long hours necessary. When he presented our proposal he opened by greeting in Chinyanja, “Mwuli bwanji.”

He followed with another 4 local Zambian languages. When asked how he learnt the languages, he answered, “I began, 3 days ago at Johannesburg airport, by questioning and learning from Zambian travellers. I continued learning from my hosts, the people that I meet and the people whom I surveyed.

We won the contract against stiff local opposition.

Our team can greet in more than 50 languages and have mainly learnt to do so over the past 6 years.

2) Respect their names

For many people, disrespect for their names is disrespect for them as a person. One of the keys to building respect is to take the time to learn how to greet correctly.

Amongst many people, particularly of indigenous African cultures, a person’s path in life is linked to the well-being of their ancestors. Thus any disrespect to their surname is an insult to their ancestry. And consequently can have an impact on their lives and their well-being.

Some of the South African-based Nguni and San languages use a number of click sounds. Interestingly some similar clicks are used by many of those who are not willing or not comfortable to attempt a Zulu or Xhosa “click.”

For example, the disapproving click of English-speakers - commonly written as “tsk, tsk” - is the Zulu “C” sound. And the “X” in Xhosa is the sound used by riders to urge their horses on.

And the “R” in Radebe is similar to the “G” in the Afrikaans speakers Gert. “Gogga”, the word for insect in Afrikaans, comes from “Roro” the isiXhosa word, with similar meaning.

3) Respect their culture and gender.

Cultural beliefs and practices are not “right”, and are not “wrong.” They are often just different. When one gets behind the actual reasons for, and importance of, “strange” cultural practices, it is highly likely that they will be far more understood and accepted.

Example 1. There are numerous cultures that practice sacrifices to ancestors. When one considers the relevance of ancestors and ancestral prayers in Africa, ancestral sacrifice becomes far more understandable.

Example 2. Many people from the more Western cultures greet by kissing a person on their lips. This includes a friend’s spouse or children. More traditional Africans, looking out of their “no-public signs of affection” paradigm, will see this as a sure sign of promiscuity and possibly even child abuse.

Here are a few additional tips..

• Many people do not understand sarcasm. Learn to talk straight.
• Remove sexual innuendo and sexual jokes from your communication.
• Swearing will hinder your path to success - don’t do it.
• Respectfully and clearly talk about your feelings.
• Don’t attack, backbite or gossip - you will be found wanting and found out.
  

4) Respect their religions.

All religions have as a foundation the principal, “Do unto others as you wish done unto yourself.” Though worded in many different ways, the principal remains the same. The various religions, their prophets, leaders and gurus have many different concepts worth sharing.

If your chosen spiritual path works well for you, then it is the right way for you. The same applies to other people with different beliefs.

5) Respect relating to sharing food.

Relationships are often built through food. To eat together is to grow friendships, understanding and respect.

For some people the Western concept of “Let’s do lunch,” is very strange. Food is about giving, receiving, caring and building relationships, the apparent coldness in “doing” lunch is far removed from the human side of a shared meal.

Another weird concept to the more community-based groups is that of “Bring and Braai (barbecue.)” It is not considered respectful to bring your own food, to a family that has invited you for dinner. And they would be equally surprised to be invited to eat with you, and then be asked to contribute to the menu!

Dietary needs based on religion, culture, health and individual choice are critical to relationship building. When inviting visitors please ensure that the vegetarian dishes and the meat dishes are separated. It is also preferable if the vegetarian dishes are prepared by a vegetarian supplier.

Ham, side by side with beef, or cheese and tomato sandwiches are a simple no-no.

6) Respect through body language

Body language is one of the sub-conscious door openers. When we show respect in our physical greetings, we find that people naturally and unconsciously will be more open to us.

Something as simple as a handshake is a potential deal-breaker. For example - the very firm, and often painful, handshake. This is seen to be a sign of strength and commitment in the West and a sign of aggression and disrespect in the East and in Africa.

Shaking hands with two hands, or with a hand holding the arm of the shaking hand, is seen to be whole-hearted and respectfully humble in African and Eastern cultures - in South Africa.

Amongst the feminine gender handshakes are often more gentle, and are felt to be a sign of acknowledgment, as opposed to a sign of superiority. It is also not generally acceptable for a man to shake the hand of a female follower of Islam.

7) Respect through participation and involvement

The African concept of “Inkosi yinkosi ngabantu” (Zulu) quite simply is an acceptance of the fact that leaders only exist because of their people. Similarly companies are companies because of their people and finally, families only exist because of their family members, including the children!

It is very important to involve those affected by challenges and opportunities in the decision-making process. This requires open and clear communication and transparent leadership.

Another concept that springs from this is that, diversity of thought and deed is good. And that each person adds to us. Please see True leaders understand...

8) Respect uniqueness.

Each person is wonderfully unique - in many ways. The best starting point is you. Understanding your own learning/ communication style and personality type lays a simple and strong foundation for you to achieve far better results by adjusting your own behaviour and communication. This puts the success of relationships in your own hands.

There are many ways to understand yourself and others. Each of which takes you a step further along the path of self understanding and self realization. As you do, you will begin to move from victim to victor - where nobody else loses!

Once you understand yourself you will be more able to know others better, respect them better and your actions will be guided by your self-respect and understanding.

Remember to praise the good in others and offer positive suggestions for how they can get better results - AND how YOU will help them!

In our united uniqueness we bring much to the world. Thus the more diverse the family, team or organisation, the more we win together.

A simple and fun way to get these more understanding and skills is to attend a Celebrating Humanity course, with people from other backgrounds or family members. Our next course..

9) Learn to give wholeheartedly

“If you lost everything that you had, how would you feel if everyone gave you second hand clothes to wear?” This is a question my wife once asked of me. It made me think. So whenever I can afford to help I give to the best of my ability.

If a person is hungry feed them warm food with a good heart. It matters not what they have achieved in life, if they have a drinking problem or if their clothes smell. They are human, just like you and I, and they deserve our respect and kindness.

10) Learn to receive wholeheartedly

To many people, the simple act of receiving is the greatest gift of all. When you are offered a compliment, a meal, a gift - simply say “Thank you”, and accept.

It is not for us to judge how poor the person is, or how much it cost them or whether we deserve the gift, or not. In our respectful receiving, we allow another person into our hearts and into our lives. And that is our gift.

For more information...

For more information on the Celebrating Humanity© programme and recent projects, please visit Celebrating Humanity or Africa Dreams or e-mail us with a detailed info/ proposal request.

Brian V Moore©
Mthimkhulu International
(T) 27 (0)31 2053668
July 10, 2005

For photos and outcomes of our 1 day Celebrating Humanity programme in Durban, South Africa

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